I tend to become very close
to my clients. We’re dealing with very
intimate parts of their lives and our conversations sometimes start on the
surface but always go deeper. One of the
things that fascinates me the most is how strongly their past plays a part in
their wedding. Looking at the
relationships that the parents have with the bride or groom, you have divorced
parents, deceased parents, parents who have been together for 30 years and parents
who have been estranged from their children…it’s so deep how our past molds us
and the decisions that we make. I
started looking at the family dynamics that I’ve run into throughout the years
and it made me wonder, “How did we get here?”
A few years ago, I had a bride whose
parents recently went through a messy divorce and the tension at the rehearsal
was so thick, even I was uncomfortable.
You could see the discomfort oozing from the bride’s sister to the point
that she had tears in her eyes. I told
her to go take a break and if anyone asked for her, I’ll say she went to the
room for something. The bride took a few
shots before arriving at the rehearsal in order to calm her nerves (i.e. numb
her feelings) and the mother-of-the-bride was glued to my hip. I already knew the story so I made sure to
tiptoe around any possible emotional bombs.
When the pastor asked, “Who gives this bride to this man…?” I was so nervous, I thought I was going to
pass out. I’m a little dramatic so
there’s that. It wasn’t the first time
I’ve dealt with divorced parents but everyone’s emotions were so raw. I appreciated how everyone came together for
the wedding day and truly understood that that day wasn’t about them and their
feelings. Suck it up! You have a daughter to marry off!
As the wedding
reception progressed, I stopped running interference because the couple was so
in love that my focus had shifted. It
made me think about how the groom had helped his bride through all of the
awkwardness and tension of the day. It’s
already emotional enough to start your life with someone without having to
worry about your dad’s girlfriend saying something inappropriate in front of
your mother. They had been dealing with
their past for the entire planning process and now they were focusing on the
present. They had been building a life
for themselves and their vows were beautiful and full of promises to be
faithful and to always communicate and love.
Seems typical but they held a deeper meaning for me, knowing their
history.
For me, one of the most
rewarding things about my job is how I get to see these families grow. I had a bride whose wedding I planned last
year, call me earlier this year because she was in town and we needed to catch
up. We’re sitting at lunch and she’s
telling me how they’re settling into their new house and how she’s getting used
to their new city and I’m thinking, “She better tell me she’s pregnant!” She finally says, “Ok, soooooooooo I’m
pregnant. No one knows yet but I had to
tell you!” She was only a few weeks
along but I was so excited for them.
This bride was eager to create her own family. Not necessarily eager to have kids right away
but it was really the icing on the cake.
She and her husband were so in love and worked so hard at their
relationship. It was long distance at
times and that always puts a strain on things.
She and I became very close and many of our conversations had nothing to
do with her wedding at all.
As I drove away from
lunch, I remembered a conversation we had about some issues that were going on
in her family. Unfortunately or
fortunately, I could relate so I offered as much advice as I could. My job is to be there for my clients but in
this moment she wasn’t a client and this wasn’t my job. We were friends and we were getting through
this rough time. Luckily, everyone acted
like they had some sense at the wedding and everything was flawless,
obviously. She’s due in a few weeks and
I’m anticipating the arrival of their beautiful little baby. They’ve already begun to create their future.
My girl, Oprah, talks
about gratitude all the time. Everyone is talking about it nowadays,
actually. It’s kind of become the
gluten-free of emotions. When I’m super
stressed out and want to scream at the top of my lungs, I pretend to find
gratitude in the sunshine. Yes, pretend. I really want to scream but I don’t want to
be left out of this gratitude movement so I participate. I never understood
truly being grateful when you’re over everything until I made myself sit down
and reflect on this past year. I’ve made
lifelong friendships with clients.
I’ve been allowed to be a part of some of the most intimate and
beautiful moments of these people’s lives and I’ve worked with the most
rockstar vendors I could ask for. People
always ask me how I deal with all of the stress of these weddings and at the
end of the day, we’re all here because two people have made the commitment to
come together in love...and for that, I’m grateful.
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